My daddy is a drunk. I am the Adult Child of an Alcoholic. It sucks. For years I thought that I didn’t have to get intervention, that I would be fine, that God would heal me supernaturally and poof! I would be a great mom. Poof! I would be a great wife. Poof! I would give a damn about myself. I just thought I had to trust God and wait, and it would Poof! Happen. I don’t know what clicked.Somebody told me this story, and it kind of explains why I am getting help now. There is this guy, and he gets stranded on a deserted island. He fasts and prays for God to save him, day and night. Finally, one night he sees a helicopter overhead, the helicopter sees him, comes down and he waves it away, explaining, “God will save me!” Several more days go by and he sees a small fishing boat in the distance, the fisherman sees him and waves. Again, the guy waves him off saying, “God will save me!” A few days later, the man dies. He reaches heavens gates and when he sees Jesus asks him, “Lord, why didn’t you save me, I had such faith!” And Jesus ticks off, “I sent a boat, a helicopter….” So you see, God is ultimately the only saving grace and hope any one of us has, but he gives us tools  to use. This is my journey through the fiery pits of death and alcoholism in the hopes of ending this generational curse that has plagued our family as far back as we can go. These are the tools I am using. Bear in mind that I just started three days ago, so I don’t really know a whole lot, or what works yet. These are my commitments:

1) Attend Adult Children of Alcoholics Meetings every Monday (The only time they are on)

2) Attend at least 2 Al-Anon meetings a week (There are 9 at my local center, and a lot of other centers around)

3) I am going to Weight Watchers (I have been stuffing all my feelings down through food)

That’s all I’m going to do for now, I will add stuff as I can handle it. I know there is a bunch more other junk that is called “working the program” but I have only been to one meeting so I don’t really know yet what to do. I know it seems like a lot of meetings, but I am at my rock bottom. I have been thinking about alcohol a lot. I crave the taste, the feeling, the comfort, the weightlessness. I cannot turn into a drunk, I will heal. I will change. I will be a good wife and a mother who does more than sits at home and cries over her life constantly. As I change, I am making my thoughts and prayers and dreams and this journey public because God is good, and if there is one person who feels less alone, less crazy, like less of an outcast it will have been worth it.


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